The Love Languages

Thanks to Valentine’s Day, the month of February is chockfull of friendship and love. This may have one wondering about the different love languages one may have and how to use these to show their loved ones how much they truly care!

There are five original love languages (not necessarily built on an inclusive framework but a framework nonetheless). It is important to note that love languages can be seen and expressed within family units and friendships, not just romantic relationships. You can also have more than one love language, but perhaps one or two are most dominant for you.

The five original love languages are the following:

Acts of Service

The love language of “acts of service” is expressed by tasks being completed in order to show love. This may be a more unseen love language, because this love language is usually comprised of tasks or services being completed without being asked in order to lessen the load for someone else. For example, a grandchild may mow the lawn for a grandparent while they are out playing cards with friends. A partner may wash and dry dishes for their significant other while they finish up some college homework. Acts of service may be your love language if you feel most loved when someone regularly lessens your workload!

Receiving Gifts

This love language is a bit more straightforward but may be viewed more in a negative light compared to the other love languages. Feeling most loved when receiving gifts does not necessarily mean that they want to be spoiled by expensive objects and experiences. Experiencing love by receiving gifts may be when a friend picks up something small from their shopping trip because it reminded them of you. Or when a partner buys your favorite candy bar for you at the local gas station on the way home after you had a rough day at work. This could even include a “gift of your presence” such as showing up for big events (different from quality time) like a baseball game or a presentation in the community.

Physical Touch

The love language of physical touch is often inherently thought of as being sexual. While it is true that consensual sexual activity may show love, there are other acts of physical touch that can show love and be platonic or familial. Parents can show children love by giving them hugs and kisses. Partners can show love by holding hands or cuddling up together. Even some friendships, particularly friendships where both individuals have physical touch closer to the top of their love languages, can include physical affection.  

Quality Time

The love language of quality time is about spending intentional time together. This isn’t just hanging out around the house together in passing, this is intentional, staring into each other’s eyes, undivided attention. Many friendships need quality time in order to thrive, and usually there is at least a little bit of this in romantic relationships (hence “date night”). However, if you feel most loved in a relationship when there is a lot of quality time going on, then this may be your love language!

Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation is a love language built on verbal appreciation, like compliments and validation. Validation and compliments, in general, feels good no matter if it’s in a friendship, romantic relationship, at work, or with your family members. However, a compliment does not leave everyone feeling happy and satisfied. Some people may thank you, nod and be on their way, not giving it a second thought. If you are someone who feels satisfied in the love department because of being verbally appreciated, then words of affirmation is likely your love languag

-         Ciera Canaday, LCSW

Clinical Director and Psychotherapist